He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
