Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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