its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
