He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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