he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
