she looked like the before picture.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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