Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry about my life...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
