Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
