I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
