Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
