Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
