We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
