Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
