He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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