The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
