Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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