i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
