It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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