he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
