Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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