your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
