Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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