thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
