I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
