i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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