Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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