2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
