Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
