Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
