Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
