Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
