its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
