Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
