there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
