According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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