he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
