I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I want to be your penis for a week.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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