i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
