I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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