All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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