She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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