I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
