So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We need to rekindle our bromance
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
