Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
