my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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