I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
