You're so nebulous sometimes
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
