She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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