it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
