Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
