Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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