Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
