I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize