I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
