shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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