you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
