my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
