just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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