your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
