is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
