she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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