The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
