I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
