i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we made out on top of his cat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
