Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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