Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
