The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
