I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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